I can’t breathe right now but my eyes are still open

So, here’s what happened today. I reported an ad to Facebook that I found offensive and Facebook took the ad down. A company that called itself “Black Power” bought an ad on Facebook to sell shirts with a graphic of a white man image standing over a Black man image laying on the ground. The white man’s image had his knee on the neck of the Black man’s. Some people had posted comments about how awful the shirt was and that they wouldn’t buy it. I went a step further and reported it.

I got a response back from Facebook that they reviewed the content of the ad and agreed it was offensive and removed it. I don’t know who is behind this so-called company “Black Power” … I doubt that they are anyone with any pride of Black Power. They are more likely white supremacists or Russian bots ready to promote divisiveness, fakes fronting all the way trying to seize on a tragic situation in Minneapolis. Just like the Republicans who quickly made up the t-shirts on Biden’s gaffe.

A lesson here is we can act, we need to act. We don’t have to just shake our heads, we can see through when someone else is taking advantage of what happened. White supremacists don’t give a crap about us but they loved the idea of making a buck off our pain with those graphic images on a shirt. There wouldn’t be anything Black powerful about wearing that hateful act on a shirt and the ad was offensive so tell Facebook stop allowing shit when you see it.

Republicans and Chump don’t care about us and won’t do anything for us, no matter how wrong Biden’s particular words were. Chump still will be a nightmare and has to be defeated.

I can’t breathe right now but my eyes are still open.

Thanks-giving

Sometimes I see notes and postings where people seem to acknowledge that God has blessed them but they think it’s much more than they deserve, that they’re not worthy. Here’s what I’ve come to believe: we all deserve God’s blessings, we just have to convince ourselves of that. During this Thanksgiving, it is a time of thanks-giving for each of us for all that we are being blessed with and for realizing that we do deserve what we receive. If we have received it, then it wasn’t a mistake.

I am skeptical of our religions teaching us that we are undeserving of God’s blessings unless we pass some test. On the one hand, they tell us about unconditional love from God but then these same religious institutions preach that we don’t deserve God’s love. My thoughts for Thanksgiving are short and simple. By virtue of God giving us life, let us give thanks by believing God loves us enough for us to deserve this love.

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Don’t shy from being thankful for the blessings coming to you. Gratitude is thanks-giving.

Being raised as Catholic, there was a prayer during Sunday Mass service that included the words “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you but only say the word and I shall be healed.” Even as a child, the wording bothered me. As I got older and had my own children, I eventually told them that they were worthy of love. I stopped saying that prayer during the service. I didn’t think that was the message God intended. Sometimes, I think we get trapped in thoughts/messages to ourselves that aren’t in our best service.

So during this Thanksgiving period, I am grateful for all my blessings and for knowing that I am worthy of receiving more blessings. You are too. Re-wire your thoughts to be in thanks-giving for yourself and others and accept what comes. We can change what we want to change but we can also believe that we deserve the good that appears in our lives. The not-so-good are blessings too, they teach us other things. Life is full of joys and opportunities for thanks-giving all through the year.

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Grab your life vests … haters gonna hate but we’re not going down like that

When the boat gets rocky, grab your life vest. Stay calm, be cool, collect yourself and don’t panic. Grab your life vest and as they say on airplanes, put on your oxygen mask first before you help others. Metaphors, yes. But in reality, that’s what you need to do in just about any situation. Right now with what is going on in our communities, with what is happening in life, with politics, with uncertainties … grab your life vests and prepare to survive. We’re not going down.

We could get discouraged but that’s not useful. We could give in to despair when things don’t go well, but that won’t help get us out of the rocky waters. When dis-ease occurs, figure out what is wrong, get provisions and focus on recovery.

Politics has been messy lately and we’re going to need to buckle up to get through this. The nastiness of racism has risen and is on wide display, this is not for the faint of heart and the analogy of grabbing our life vests might work for weathering these storms.

None of us has been brought this far to be left without a life line, without a life vest.

There will be safety in numbers too so hanging on to someone else and working together can make us stronger. What I think is very important is knowing that we can grab hold, that we have resources and others to shoulder us for what is happening. Life is about daily leaps and knowing that we have a life vest and resources to survive it.

My parents often would tell me, “this too shall pass.” Yes, indeed. In the interim, grab the life vests so you can stay afloat. The journey toward freedom is still ahead.

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Although we may have thought the fights had been fought in the 1960s or the 1860s, there will likely always be someone who uses their privilege to challenge others. What matters is not being quiet about it but rather preparing for the rough waters, grabbing for reinforcements and forging ahead. Racism never completely went away, it has been under the surface and the fears of some believing they are missing out has caused them to strike against others they feel are responsible. Haters gonna hate and we’re gonna keep it moving.

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Grab your life vest. We’re not going down like that. Love trumps hate.

Resiliency … when up is down and down is up, what’s abnormal is normalized and what was normal is nonexistent.

Have you ever had days when things just don’t feel right? That can happen after the death of a loved one or after a trauma or dramatic event. It can happen from a personal tragedy or a public tragedy. When it feels like what used to be up is down and what used to be down is up? We go through periods when what used to be normal feels strangely abnormal and what used to be abnormal becomes so normal that it makes you even question whether there was even a time when it was abnormal. Resiliency is a way to cope.

I’ve asked myself about this several times over the past year but actually before that. It might seem odd to say this but I remember when my mother died and things that used to be so normal for me, like calling her up to ask about something or expecting to hear from her when a certain event occurred … those things that were normal then, no longer were existent. I am pondering this within the context of a few scenarios.

When life changes, even though the changes are instantaneous, as humans we often need some time to adjust to the changes. This occurs with births and deaths. The baby is born and as parents and families, we need to figure out how to take care of the child whether we had prior experience or not. Ya gotta get with it. When a loved one is gone, they’re gone and our lives continue so we have to figure out how to move on. Ya gotta get with it. What we used to think was normal is now abnormal and we must go on. Sadness or gladness, birth or death, whether being turned up or down when we thought it was supposed to be the other way around, we have to figure out how to keep going. Resiliency.

Whether the evolution of the changes are good or bad, it still takes time. I have seen organizations that I am in have new leadership with less than good intentions or at least less than good leadership. While those within the organization may not immediately realize the extent of the bad, as it becomes known people have to adjust to a new normal while not normalizing the abnormal so that the good is preserved. They have to figure out what to do to go forward.

The destruction of the norms of our democracy in the US right now certainly are an example of what used to be normal is no longer. The abnormalities of what has been done by the current administration are so bad, but frankly so prevalent now that things that happen from one day to the next don’t cause the shock and awe that they once did a year ago. I have lost the art of shaking my head in despair and had to control my emotions to keep from sinking further. And yet, I must speak out, call Congress, get out to rallies and do what I can to scream that this is not normal. Resiliency.

The world feels upside down. Things that used to be up are down and what used to be down is up. Something is very wrong and we can’t get used to this as the new normal. If we do, we’ve lost. So, pull forward with resiliency.

Ezra Klein says that the current occupant of the oval office is winning because the rest of us are caught up reacting to the disruption of the abnormalities. A new column of his speaks to this:

https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2018/1/29/16900646/trump-administration-tweets-media-polarization

Such a massive side show has been created and the potus benefits from even the effort to gawk at the abnormalities: “His rule, his realization, is that you want as much coverage as possible, full stop. If it’s positive coverage, great. If it’s negative coverage, so be it. The point is that it’s coverage — that you’re the story, that you’re squeezing out your competitors, that you’re on people’s minds.” 

Charles Blow, columnist for the New York Times did a column last week about the Soul of the Nation which references some of these same undertones, “What we control is our collective commitment to morality and ethics. When that is lost, so are we.”: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/25/opinion/trump-russia-investigation-mueller.html

But even more relevant was a column that Blow did in September 2017 after the Charlottesville KKK rally that really pointedly said, these happenings are not normal.

We are talking about the basic concept of whether our government, and by extension our country, advances unity or division, love or hate.

We are talking about an assault on our democracy by a hostile foreign power, the contours and scope of that assault coming into greater clarity every passing day.

How can any of us, if we are true patriots, be expected to simply calm down and suck it up when the Russians are bragging that the “president” of this country isn’t ours but theirs?

How can we be expected to sit idly by while the fabric of this country is unwoven by maleficent hands, whatever their size?

None of this is normal or right

But I know well, and am comforted by the fact, that I am not alone. Millions of Americans see this travesty for what it is and share my disgust and indignation.

Good people of good conscience are seeking to do what Trump only gave lip service to, and in his way bastardized. We, patriots, will not stop resisting this destruction. It is we who will Make America Great Again by trying to limit the damage Trump can do to us until he feels the reckoning of the damage he has done to himself.

Life throws us curves. We dip and dive and bob and weave. Hopefully, we learn to adjust and in fact do adjust. Resiliency is a needed skill in current times so we can bounce back from the hits that life throws at us. In addition to resiliency, another needed skill is being able to still know the difference – discernment – between normal and abnormal when a barrage of abnormal hits so often that it becomes blurry. There’s still a difference. We may not be able to bring back a loved one who has died, that is a new normal that we will have to adjust to. But there are other abnormalities in life that we shouldn’t get used to. So, how to cope? Discernment and resiliency. They are important right now when up is down and down is up.

 

What is your reason?

This time of year I see many postings about remembering the reason for the season. I wonder though what is your reason for what you are doing this time of year. Were you running around shopping? Is that what it is about for you? Were you frantic about what you would get others for gifts if you celebrate Christmas? If you celebrate Hanukkah, did you busily get all of the preparations for the days of the festival and ready the latkes and menorah?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I was raised Catholic and I am fully aware and engaged in all of the Jesus is the reason for the season rationale. I am just expanding on this because we live in inclusive times of appreciating diversity of many people but also expanding our thinking about this time of year.

There are many holidays celebrated during the period of the middle of November through the middle of January, at least two dozen representing Christian, Judaism, Hindu, Islam, Baha’i, Buddhist, and others . It is not an insult to any of the holidays or religions to say, “Happy Holidays.” It is an inclusive expression of good will. There is no war on Christmas by doing so. Companies like Starbucks who choose to create and utilize a coffee cup that is celebratory for the holidays but not specific to one particular holiday is good business practice not offensive or a war on Christmas.

But besides the religious aspects of this time of year, what is your reason for doing what you are doing? Mine is love. I love my family, friends and community. I love that this time of year is an extra bonus period for me to show my love. I love that even though my family and friends know that I love them, I can do a little something extra this time of year to leave them with a memory of my love for them. It’s not really about the gifts, it’s about how they feel. I always look at their faces, their emotions and see how they feel this time of year. That’s one of my reasons for the season.

I love to see the decorations and lights and the warmth that people feel this time of year. I love to feel that even with the tightness and drama of whatever bad may be going on in the world, people usually will come together this time of year and give a little extra kindness for others. That’s one of my reasons for the season.

I spend three to four days decorating our house inside and outside because it’s a special time of year and there is no other time of year that this happens to this extent. Sometimes we host a holiday open house for a small group of close friends but sometimes we just enjoy the decorations ourselves. For many years, my husband did a Santa’s runway of lights from the top of our chimney all the way through the backyard out to the street. The neighborhood loved it, the kids looked forward to it each year, neighbors would leave notes in our mailbox thanking us for Santa’s runway.

My husband also lined Christmas lights all along the driveway, just in case Santa came in a Cadillac instead of a sleigh. As we have gotten a bit older, the lights on the chimney have burned out and we haven’t gotten around to getting a 30 ft. ladder to replace them but the memories are strong. Memories … that’s one of my reasons for the season. We made memories for our children and many children in the neighborhood.

Cooking. Oh my, the cooking this time of year. Sweets and all. Yes, the food this time of year is one of my reasons for the season. My special treat this time of year has been to make homemade pralines candies (native to my Mom’s New Orleans). Pralines were made for neighbors and teachers of kids when they were in elementary and high school. That’s a lot of pecans, sugar, cream, vanilla extract and hand mixing.

One year, I took a short cut and got Godiva chocolates for the teachers instead, that caused rumblings. Several teachers commented thank you for the chocolates but wondered what happened to the homemade pralines. Homemade cooking & sweetness … reasons for the season, they actually represent love.

Giving, most definitely a reason for the season. If you are a believer in Christianity, you would believe that God gave his son to humanity and that is a reason for the season. Giving happens in many ways in addition during this season. Charity was preached by Jesus and lived by him in his life. Charitable giving is a reason for the season. Give what you can to all those that you can. No one wants to be left out this time of year and we are all challenged to remember teachings of many of God’s prophets, particularly this:

There are multiple reasons for the season that I can discuss here but for me they all have love at their core. I don’t want to debate the various religions because each deserves respect by those who choose to celebrate it for their own reasons. I learned many years ago that God really doesn’t take sides in that regard, no matter what humans try to tell you. In my own conversations with God, the dialogue has been that there is no one way to worship or one way path to God. Sorry if you think that is the case. And if you believe differently, that’s okay with me. I think the most universal religion of all is love and the greatest prayer any of us can say is thank you. No rules are required for that and I can’t imagine there is a bible or prayer book that finds fault with love or saying thank you.

My reason for the season is simple: love. I hope you have a good reason too.

 

Is it really better to give than to receive?

This is a bit of an old question, and a bit of quandary. Who really said that giving is better than receiving? It might depend on what your age is and I guess it could be relative to your circumstances. For a five year-old who wants that toy truck for Christmas, they might really believe that receiving is better. For the fifty-five year-old who understands that life is sweeter when we share what we have, giving is better.

Honestly, I think the answers to life can always be found in giving more than receiving but I suppose that is because of how I was brought up by my parents, elders in my community and the kind of environment I was schooled in where the expectation was that giving was the norm. The elementary and high schools that I attended were Catholic and so we were always given examples of charity, of giving back to our community and of not expecting to receive but being grateful when we did receive.

In college, the organizations that I was attracted to had service for others at their core. When I started my professional career, I worked for companies that had community service & giving back deeply embedded in their culture. I don’t think I would have enjoyed working there if giving back wasn’t a part of what those companies saw as their corporate responsibility. In my first job out of college at Arthur Andersen, the last month before I went out on maternity leave, I was a loaned executive to United Way for their fall campaign. In my last job before retirement, I was Global Director of Volunteerism & Employee Engagement for the GE Foundation. In between that span of a career of 34 years, I spent lots of hours of giving in community service. So, yes I do subscribe wholeheartedly to the belief that giving is better than receiving.

As I write this blog, we are kicking off the giving season with #GivingTuesday. I hope it lasts for more than one day. This time of year is kind of interesting. When our kids were young, it was about giving them toys and fun things to have under the tree for Christmas. We walked the line of not giving too much so that they would still feel gratitude and not get spoiled or take things for granted. I actually remember one year when I was wrapping presents and felt that I had bought too much so I held back a couple items and gave them away to others instead. We wanted to raise children / young adults with a sense of humility and gratefulness, not just expecting everything was always going to be given to them but that they would receive enough and would feel okay with giving too.

We always had them think of others during this season too. We participated in the Giving Angel Tree at church and had them select gifts for some of the kids who needed a little assistance during the holidays. It was exciting to see them at the store choosing a toy for a child their age or selecting an outfit that they thought someone their age would want to wear.

We volunteered at soup kitchens, sometimes they went with their high school classes for this as well. One year we actually went to donate toys at a local Helping Hands Mission on Christmas Eve and the Director had us take the toys directly to a home rather than leaving the toys at the center. I will always remember that experience: the mother in that home, the two kids who didn’t seem to have much but lit up with absolute joy when we walked in with toys for them. I looked around the small house and felt inner grief at the living conditions but at the same time the look on the mother’s face was one of determination to make the best of what she had. I had to keep my composure then and I have never forgotten how I felt. Even now, I still have a vision of it.

In this season of giving, I encourage you to remember what it can really mean. The meaning is what we give it, not what the retailers or big box stores or advertisers want us to do with it. We get to decide the meaning. We get to decide whether giving is better than receiving. We get to know how it feels to give rather than to receive. Of course someone will be on the receiving end, it just doesn’t have to be us.

Many tragedies have happened to Americans this year so there will be no shortage of who needs help. Many people we can give to will appreciate the things we give a lot more than if we kept them to ourselves. There are many things to give too: Time, talent and treasure. Whatever your spiritual beliefs are, giving feels good universally. It is better to give than to receive.

Who loves ya baby?

There’s a lot of angst and anxiety happening around us these days. So, with all of this going on, it’s nice to have moments when you feel loved. Nice to be able to chill. Nice to be able to let the cares of the world fade away for a couple days and be with some folks in an environment where you just feel nothing but love and fun. Well, that is what a homecoming at an HBCU feels like. I didn’t actually get to go to my alma mater’s homecoming this past weekend but I felt the love from the postings on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. When you want to know who loves ya baby, head to an HBCU. That’s one of the purposes they serve. Not only will you get a solid education and the courage to feel comfortable in your own skin, you will feel loved.

Two weeks before that, my cousin attended her homecoming at NC A&T and she felt the love too.

I am not trying to imply that going to other colleges is void of those feelings. They may indeed have it. I hope they do. But of this I know, there is a oneness, a feeling of belonging and comradery that far outlives the years of college after attending an HBCU. And homecoming is literally what it says, coming home. It is a reunion, it’s a football game for sure, it’s tailgate party, it’s concerts, it’s food, it’s late night parties, it’s hanging out on the yard /campus, it’s seeing classmates you haven’t seen in years, it’s seeing folks who love you baby!

 

This is the season for homecomings at college and many churches. And amazingly, there are barely two months left in the year. I saw the first Christmas commercial on television last week, in October. The K-Mart and Costco near me already have Christmas decorations up in the store. The holiday season will be in full swing before we know it. When that happens, it could be easy to lose focus on what I see as the best part of this coming time of year… who loves ya baby: family and friends.

Call that friend that you haven’t talked to in a long time. Actually pull out a note card or buy a greeting card and do a handwritten note to friend or relative that says you’re thinking about them. College homecomings and church homecomings are a blast and I love going to them. But, those events don’t have to be the only time we reach out to folks. It’s possible that someone may not be there at next year’s homecoming. The benefit of HBCUs is lifelong friendships and we can take the initiative to stay in touch more often than once a year. And church homecomings can be treated similarly.

 

     

Homecomings are so much fun, the experience and the moments linger for days and days. Just think about how great it will feel to not wait until next year to be sure that friend knows you love them as a friend and care about how they are doing all year long.

Life is fleeting. We are love and are meant to love. Let’s remember who loves us and who we love … and more importantly, let them know more than once a year.